Answers on a postcard

This is a internal mental dialogue.

What is the person thinking this actually doing?

Brown, no.

Brown, no.

Brown, no.

Yellow, that'll do.

The person who guesses correctly shall recieve the fruit of such action posted to them 1st class in this exciting prize draw.

Dry

A whole month without saying shiiiit,

Call it what you will, post holiday stress syndrome, realisation that no-one reads or cares about this web log or simple downright laziness, but I have not made an entry in a whole month.

I'm sure that this meta blogging is absolutely riveting, (wow, he's writing about writing) because I feel like Paul fucking Auster right now. The real motive for this post however is just to make sure I don't pass that month mark.

Watch this space for updates on crazy Spanish Kabbalah, missing minorities and of course, more complacent wittering.

Paella con la Tere

Check out the link on the bog roll to my a blog I created in order to record a recipe I learnt today. I quite enjoyed writing in Spanish about food so watch out to see if it turns into a fully blown food blog written in Spanish.

Gordon Ramsay Ate My Baby

Crag of Face

Foul of mouth

Floppy hair and no self doubt

Seared embarrassment

Roasted pride

Please don't stare him in the eye

My Terrible Loss

Without wishing to dramatise, I've suffered a horrible loss this week.

The loss of my beloveds have caused me to resort to a cheap, throw away alternative. Flimsy and irritating, they cause me an irritating burning sensation in a very sensitive area.

When I think of all the things we've done together, my lost loves and I, a great tide of sadness washes over me. Over the last three and half years my life has been crystallised through their unblinking gaze.

Oh spectacles, where can you be? Have you been pinched from my rucksack that was open on the tube? Or was it me, have i left you somewhere as if I didn't need and care about you so very much?

The throb of my right eye is a constant reminder of my carelessness, a contact lens is the only alternative I have to groping through a world of indistinct fuzzy shapes, so under duress, I'm suffering their irritating presence.

I miss my character defining face adornments, they made me the person I used to be. To all the world I appear to be just another 20:20 vision guy with an eye infection, not the geekilly interesting four eyes they may have seen somewhere in Madrid.

New glasses next week, I can only hope that we share as many beautiful experiences together as my last pair before I somehow misplace them.

Temptation

I was just about to post on how I've been offered a new job. How I'm now tempted to tell my boss to go and fuck herself and download some child porn on her computer whilst she's not looking. There are many ways to burn a bridge but I have to resist, the job offer hasn't arrived, and it's quite possible that it never will.

I was going to use some the lyrics from Heaven 17 Temptation to begin the post. Upon placing the word in the youtube search bar, I was taken aback to see how many songs there are out there with the same title, so instead of more about boring old me, here's a round-up.

Coming in at Nº 1.
New Order, listening to this is makes all me thank god that electro pop was created. This sounds stupid but the way i can think of describing the way this music sounds is important.

Tom Waits at Nº 2.
My brother reckons that Tom Waits is mainly liked by girls who wish to prove their edgy indie credibility (look at who's just recorded an album of covers). Now I'm not as opinionated or reactionary as my older sibling, but I find Tom rather unlistenable to. This song is no exception. I'm shocked that they actually spent money on making a video for this one. I've just put him at Nº 2 cos he's meant to be cool innit.

Nº 3 Heaven 17
This one's a gem, the singer looks like the weird pervert from Mike Leigh's Naked too.

Nº 4 Arash Feat. Rebecca.
Now this is the first time I've heard this one, and I'm glad of the fact. Who is this Rebecca person? Is she famous? It's normal practice to get a third rate MC to collaborate on a track, and then put their name on it like everyone knows who they are. "Oh yeah, Duztee Nuckulz, he did that Peter Andre song right" etc. But Arash, you seem like a nice lad, couldn't you get someone with a better name than just Rebecca to do a guest appearance? It's not very glamorous is it? How many famous solo artists are there with a bog standard name like that? She at least needs a surname. What about Lamar? That would be funny for the all the Spanish speakers (no you're right, not that funny).

Nº 5 Joan Armatrading
Now there's a name I haven't heard in a while, this track is no way near as good as Love and Affection. I never really pictured Joan Armatrading as an ideal aerobics soundtrack. Leotards and Jonathon Morris eg. Ardrian Boswell from Bread, great.

Physical Trappings

Objects, things and devices. Capable of causing strange obsessions, I find myself senslessly yearning for them.

I've read that autism is a sliding scale upon which everyone can be placed. Nervous actions like tapping objects whilst passing them, or developing an interest in obscure 50s music can be seen as very mild autistic behaviour. Now, I am not by any means an expert, in fact I’m not all that sure about the validity of what I’m saying, but it does go some way to explain why men, and above all men can be so interested and entranced by things. Women are consumers too, and very much so, but in a different way. There are exceptions to every rule, and there are plenty of women who collect everything you can think of, but the general tendency is for the guys to be the ones who can name every single team in the English 3rd division. My own symptoms are dispersed over various areas, but I'm still unable to fully rationalise the way they can keep me awake at night thinking about how I’d like to own them.

Things that I become obsessed with are relentlessly researched on the internet, to the point where I'll know pretty much everything you can get to know on the given product.

Supposedly I read internet pages to gain impartial and objective opinions on the items. The problem is that the kind of sites i look at never seem to posses either of the above attributes. As the objects poured over are normally cultish and geeky, the information is provided by people even more nerdy than me who can be actually bothered to write a fan site about a bicycle or record HI FI system.

Their partisan opinions simply reinforce the notion that five thousand Euros is a fair price for a bike and that it'll be worth every penny.

Thankfully, I normally get checked in the purchase of the goods by my miserable wage packet and irrelevant annoyances like the gas bill or rent.

Recent Item Worship has been directed at:

Apple I Mac. Aprox. €1300
Still quite like one really, my laptop's on it's last legs.


Nikon F3 Aprox. €500
A really professional SLR camera, and now relatively cheap since the digital revolution. A nonsense as I can't even work my prosumer Digi SLR at the moment, don't know how I'd do with a real camera.

HP Velotechnik Grasshopper. Aprox. €5000
Wow, that guy looks really cool, he could even get a little flag so the cars could see him.

Leica M8. Aprox. €3000 Body only.
Another camera that goes far beyond what I need or could reasonably expect to use to anywhere its potential. But look at how nice it looks.

The list goes on...

If anyone would like to help fund my senseless materialism, then please make contact and I'll provide the bank account number to transfer the moneys.